My first day of chemo for mantle cell lymphoma was a complete disaster. For valentines day I got to go for a last minute pet test. I got home from that at 7pm and turned around and was back uo at dana farber for my first chemo treatment at 7:30 am. They did my bloodwork and it was explained to me it would be 8 hours long. So i took every electronic device I had with me. One regular tablet. One kindle fire for reading. Music and my computer; See I had these visions of myself sitting there watching shows and getting through this first hurdle. Finally the drip was started and I was excited. Here we go I thought. This is me being proactive. I felt like it had been about 2 hours. I started to feel flush annd sweaty. I felt sick to my stomach. How can this be I thought? My husband started looking at me and asked what was wrong? i explained the symptons and he said hit the nurses button. I did not want to because i felt it would pass and did not want to be a bother. I started to see black spots and I hit the nurses button. Thats all I remember for a while. Apparently my blood pressure dropped to low and they could not raise it. My head went down my feet up and a call was made to my oncologist to get there. They put oxygen on me and that felt better . Slowly and I mean slowly they got my pressure up. My oncologist decided because it took me pressure took so long to come up that she would not start the retuxan drip again. which means I have to reschedule this again and I will be a week behind. They tell me its not unusual to have a bad reaction to this drug. The next time they give it you may have no reaction at all. They give you more oral medications to combat that! Now Im terrified of the chemo on thursday and friday. How do i knnow it will not happen again? whats real and whats in your head? Can nothing just be simple? Can nothing just go right? why every step I try and take forward do I end uo two steps back? Has this happened to you? When do we get a break. In the end I had 18 minutes of the drug and I thought it was two hours.I got home at 4pm. A complete day wassted. Nothing accomplished! How can you not be upset? What do you do when you feel like this? who do you reach out to? Do you sink into a pity party because thats pretty easy to do. A cancer diagnosis is devestating . Do you have to loose your hopes and dreams? Do things get better? What is the new normal? I am only about 7 days into this diagnosis and this will be something to live with the rest of my life? How did you make these adjustments? Please lets stick together and share our thoughts and experiences? I believe we can help eachother because we are the ones who truly understand what we are going through. I am wishing positive thoughts for all of you! keep talking! Untuil next post share the good and the bad.
you know you believe in God, it still hurts. My thoughts about hopes and dreams come and go. The month after my husband retired, he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, that was two years ago. The doctor thought he had 24 months if he was lucky but he's still here. I used to think we'd find his cure but now I don't think so, so much. However with new treatments around the corner a lot lately and everyone having different responses to current treatments all hope is not lost. I just am preparing for both now which does mean all my retirement dreams with him could be gone. Now I sometimes think of what I'll do if he's gone because I'm so happy and Thankful that God has saved me and I want to do something meaningful with my life. Besides being with family and friends, I'd like to find a way to help children in need and animals too. I'll definitely start spending time researching where I could be helpful. Other than helping my husband I need to keep my mind busy so I won't go crazy worrying about our future. It is something that changes you forever and adjustments come slowly but not all. Example, I went totally bald after my second chemo treatment, I had long golden blonde hair, at first it was totally devastating. After a few weeks, I was over it and just wanted to survive and have some strength to be able to stay involved in life. I got two different wigs before my hair fell out, wore scarves,( still do, cause my hair is so short and I'm not used to it), found out about self adhesive eyelashes, (they're hard to put on but worth it) and a friends girlfriend did my makeup before my granddaughters birthday party so I could feel as normal as possible. It was 10 days after my eighth chemo, after blood transfusions and platelet transfusions but I would not miss it. I ended up taking my scarf off because it was in August and so very hot. So, there I was bald and having my picture taken because I wanted my granddaughter to remember Always how much I Love her, that I was there and Not giving up. I hope I've helped you in some way. I try to remember, It's not over til it's over, so every day we're here, there's hope and a chance for another day and another and another and another.